dear mrs.spinelli,

fuck you.

fuck you for taking my grace period away and fuck you for doing that without asking first. fuck you for not making any sense on the phone. fuck you for not answering your phone. fuck you for never responding to my emails or pages or voicemails. fuck you for getting me mixed up with somebody else and telling me i'm more behind than i am.

signed,
alex mahmoud

progression

as miserable as my last post made me sound, i suppose there's stuff to look forward to.

i can't wait for college. i can't wait for the summer after high school is over. i can't wait for the summer after this year. i can't wait for Germany, New York, and Alabama. i can't wait for possibly going to All-Good. i can't wait for the west coast. i can't wait for my birthday, and possibly a party to go along with it. i can't wait for porn, cigarettes, and guns and voting that will come with age. i can't wait for doobies and LSD and magic mushrooms. i can't wait to get a haircut. and gauges in my ears so that my parents will get pissed off. i can't wait for obama to fix this country. i can't wait for post-college and i can't wait to have my own apartment, or a house, with a dog; i can't wait to move to an island with marley. i can't wait for a lot of things. but i can't lie, i miss an equal amount, too.

nostalgic

[i'll start this entry on a happy note--] happy 50th mom. you're getting old, but not that old. i think we're going out to eat tonight but i don't know where. and also dad still hasn't got you your camera yet. so i think i might call him and ask for his credit card so i can go buy it now.

we went to baltimore this weekend for ava's birthday party. that nigga turned 3! it was pretty fun, but only a little bit. and we saw family in northern va, and that was also fun, but only a little bit. birthday girl:

life is getting dreary, guys. really, really, dreary. i just feel like shit. and not being able to turn in my case 8 lab and resolution cos' it's past due is shitty. i did a bang up job on that lab and getting a 0 on it for lateness is total homo. fuck.

i miss being young [i knew this would be a nostalgic post]. i miss destination imagination and knoxville and trading pins. i miss the Dots ice cream that i spent almost $100 in total by the end of a week. i miss making emmett's basement being re-done for our band, the "red knights." i miss not knowing what a bong was in gatlinburg. i miss my brother living at home with me. i miss football and basketball games being hyped up. i miss trying to memorize the track order of the good charlotte cd chris hahn gave to me at my tenth birthday.

this is what i made in art today [it folds in half horizonally - a cover and a back for a panphlet]; i miss being able to come up with good ideas without trying, and then actually being able to execute said ideas. i actually tried on this, and when i look at it now, i think, 'who would want this, who the fuck would be proud of this?' ... i miss the day that tyler and i went to starbucks and later i got the Panic! At the Disco cd. i miss elissa. i miss elissa being cool. i miss hating everyday of my 8th grade life because of being the only one dr.peirce hated. i miss random jewish people i've never known (but not really). i miss being selfless and sufficient; fuck, i miss actually getting my homework done.

and those are just a few of the very many things i miss.

in pursuit of the american dream

today we were asked to research the American Dream in humanities and to explain what it meant to us. i listened to music on last.fm instead.

earlier today i wrote a bunch of jibber jabber about my weekend. but who gives a fuck about how my weekend went. i'll say this: it was a great weekend and it sucks we're going back to school.

on that note, mrs.smith said that the second semester always goes by way faster than the first. and i hope she's right. i certainly, certainly hope so.

here's a picture that i took for the case 8 lab:

it looks like a giant wire penis, i know.

attic in a basement with a knife serrated

i sent this earlier today, so for whatever it counts as, i'm sorry for whatever i did or said or didn't say. but i'm sorry anyway. i'm such an unconnectable unfeeling unpersonable unrelating person; i'm an asshole and i'm sorry.

and so here i sit

on the computer in the very back of the library. there are only two laptops over here, and dylan is on the one parallel to me. i had some lunch, a burrito and some salad and some pineapple, using dylan's account. the guy asked if i'm dylan and i said yes.

and today has been fine, just fine. i worked on my art project a little bit, and i didn't do my math homework, because the adobe flash player is out of date at gov school, and you need special administrative privileges to download it.

and yes. it's tuesday, and we've only got 2 classes until it's over. and then it's wednesday, and after wednesday is over, it will be thursday. and then, i can sleep in, and come to school, and take a math test, and then it will be a 4 day weekend.

hell yeah.

fuhfuhfuh

so. tomorrow is monday again. this week will be hectic as shit. wednesday marks the end of the 9 weeks, and although i'm caught up in most of my classes, it just came to me that i didn't turn in a lot of humanities work at the beginning of the 9 weeks - i've totally neglected all of it.

so today, i'm trying to convince myself that i actually did anything. i read 35 pages of ap environemental science stuff and answered about 16 questions about the reading - this took like 3 hours. and so i was going to start on the lab, but it requires me to build a water purification system -- huh? i'm calling that bitch up tomorrow and tell her i don't know how to do that.

here's the rest of what i've got to do tonight:
- wikipedia the stuff i was supposed to read
- post on the moodle forums for all the stuff i wikipedia'd
- work on my humanities paper and have it ready to turn in tomorrow morning
- online math homework
not that you care or anything

and so. i have a math test this week. that should prove to be difficult. but, on the bright side, we have a 4 day weekend, sort of. thursday we have to go to waynesboro, but not gov school, friday we're off of both, and then the weekend, and then monday we go to gov school. i kind of hate this whole system - it totally rips us off, especially the way they scheduled spring break. we have to come to gov school that whole week. fuck that.

this weekend was nice. friday night, as i was falling asleep on the couch around 7, i got a text message from andrew asking where i was. i responded with a, 'where am i supposed to be?' sort of thing - then it dawned on me that it was the White-Out basketball game thing. so i got ready in a white shirt and everything, but as i was walking out, amber called and asked if i wanted to hang out with her and sawyer. so i went to joe's to pick them up, and afterward we went to waffle house... mmm

as we left waffle house, we played the song 'blue suede shoes' as we choose music the people in there would hate, such as 'milkshake' by kelis [TWICE], 'hey ya' by outkast, and some avril lavinge song. so we watched the people's reactions from the parking lot. we could tell when 'blue suede shoes' ended and 'milkshake' started, because some guy with a beard tried to unplug the jukebox. when he plugged it back in, it still had our playlist loaded, because 'milkshake' started back up. it was great.

and so we listened to music and that was the end of that night. and i went to bed. and woke up. and sat around the house not doing my homework. and then jordan and hunter and casey and i met at the mormon church and then i took them to burger king. and then we went to movie gallery, where i couldn't rent R-rated movies because my mother had a block on my account. furthermore, i couldn't rent NR-movies because they are 'worse than R-Rated' and i couldn't rent the UR-porn because 'it even says you have to be 18 to rent this'...

so we got kung fu panda, brought it to my house, watched it, and it was fantastic. i really did enjoy it, honestly. and then they went home, 'cos they had to be at work by 8:15.

and so here i am, sunday night, putting off my homework and rambling about my weekend. i'll end this, like i usually do, with some pictures taken throughout the week.

love, alexander




spoonage in carter's bed. taken thursday night, which will hopefully become a recurring weekly tradition... not the spoonage, but the thursday nights. this picture is so grainy, it's sort of low-quality porn --- just the way i like it!





this is my dear, dear, not true friend carter. she had just gotten back from the tattoo shop with all these piercings. golly jee, i'm so proud of her for going through with all the piercings without crying even a little bit.





heh. so. instead of going to science like i was supposed to on friday, i went to the park to swing on the swing sets. the weather was alright and it gave me something nonacademic to do until work. in this class, i learned that swingset > school

i shouldn't involve other people into my problems

like i so often do.

i don't know if i want to drop out of science. one side of me is telling me that the only way i've come so far [well, half of a year] is by cheating and lying and being balls-out scandelous. the other side of me says i should lie and cheat and be more scandelous for another half of a year.

and i don't want to, that's the problem.

i don't want to read anymore of The Blue Planet and Environmental Science (6th edition). i don't want to cheat on tests that i fail on anyway. i don't want to go into the smelly library to try to concentrate, but fail. i don't want to have a C-, yes, C-, as in, 2 points away from a D.

but i don't want to give up half way into the year. i don't want to prove my father right [stubborn, i know]. i don't want to not be in science. i don't want mrs.shurz to be dissapointed in me. i don't want to feel like the only reason i'm giving up is because i'm too lazy to do labs and write essays, because essentially, that's all this class is asking for.

and perhaps i just want to quit because all my friends did. i no longer have morals, guys. you know what i'm doing for my humanities essay? you want to know why i logged into virtual virginia anyway? so i can recover the paper i wrote on global warming, so that i can copy and paste 1/2 of that and be done with my essay. yeah, i'll admit to it - i've lost all hope in myself to be a good person. i've lost my ethos.

and so, i'll end this with an 'i'm sorry'. i'm sorry for getting my friends [particularly one who will go unnamed who deals with my shit on a day to day basis] into my mess. i've been stressed, no doubt, about whether i'm gonna drop this shit or not.

and so, i'm hoping somehow the planets align tonight, and today will be easier. i'm going to call mrs.spinelli, get the low down on what the rest of the year looks like, and go from there.

keep it real.

edit [the seventh, one day later] -- i'm staying.

today

i think i'm happy that we're going back to school tomorrow, despite the work i've got to do tonight seeing as how i put it all off until the last minute. and it's funny, it really is, seeing as how i joked with all my friends about how i'm going to put my homework off until the last minute and be up until 4am on sunday. but tonight probably won't be as an extreme case as that, so it's all good.

today was one of the first days in a while where everything was good. it started off badly because i woke up... and it was 11 and my alarm never went off at 9. so i rushed through getting ready and met with my family for a nice brunchish thing. and then i got on my apush and finished outlining, which was an accomplishment. and so i cleaned my room, and the weather was amazing, so i opened my window. and from then on, the day was great. walking around in my shorts was the best.

and so right now isn't all that bad. i picked up some shit from michael's so i can finish my mixed media project, and i've finally, finally come to the decision that i'm dropping the ap environmental science class i'm in. i mean hell, it's online, and it's ap, and all i do is read a bunch of stuff and then take a test on it. i'm not getting anything out of it and at the end of the day, if i'm not going to pass the ap test, what's the point? and so as bad as i feel about dropping a class [this is a first], i'm finally relieved.

winter break was good. but because of the weather, it feels like it's not over. in fact, it feels like the last day of summer break. but that's okay, because i'm happy.

well feck

school starts in a day, because right now we're in sunday even though we're only 4 minutes into it.

tomorrow i have to outline 1/2 a chapter for apush, write the humanities essay, do my mixed media painting, read and post all that humanities shit on moodle, anddd a lab and essay for for my ap environmental science class. god i hate school.

anyway. i'm going to bed soon. so i can do all that work tomorrow. i'll end this blog on a couple of cool pictures that were on my phone.

keep it word.



the postition marley's butt was in when i woke
up on the last day of 2008.




my mother and i on our way to charlottesville.
taken on the first day of 2009.




emmett crawford. taken in sophomore year before a band concert.
(april 27, 2008)

and this always makes me laugh. fast forward it to about 2:00 if you're impatient. actually, the 3:30 "oh gosh" is what cracks me up everytime, hahahahaha.