back under a new title

about 5 minutes ago, i realized how much i miss this shit.

new blog, i'll work on it after i get sleep. school starts tomorrow - wait, what?
love.

paint that shit gold

tap tap

hello

A BLOG CIRCLE EVENT NEEDS TO HAPPEN SOON

oh my gad, school starts in basically a week. ap government reading? haven't started. humanities project? nope. art history and studio art? slowly progressing though.

how is everybody else's preparation for back2skool?

RESCHEDULE TO MONDAY

okay, carter leaves tuesday. i just realized i have to go to a family thing on sunday. sorry, my dad's aunt just died. so, blog circle should still do something sunday, i just can't come. but uh, monday night, that's where it's at, for me at least.. we should go to charlottesville, watch people 18 and up smoke hookahs, you know.

RESCHEDULE TO SUNDAY

blog circle is doing something sunday night, and everyone will be around hopefully? idears, idears?

thursday night, what what?

so, movie night at my house is not happening tomorrow due to family stuff. but the blog circle should still do sum'sum anyway. IDEAS?

THURSDAY NIGHT

7pm. someone call sam and kyle.

ATTN BLOGGERS

movie night at my house again. 7pm on thursday night. comment on this if yer coming.

spit your game, talk your shit

hey friends,

today is the 4th of july. huzzahh. we spent this whole last week at my house cleaning and shit because my parents were going to throw a small party for their familyfriends and shit. but we're not doing that anymore! we're going camping at sherandoah lake. normally, i would be excited for this, but, it's going to be so weird. i don't really know their friends that well, and i spy with my little eye a bottle of gin. things might get weird.

i can't wait for one more year. these quirky times at the mahmoud household are starting to lose their quirk and stress a nigga out. i love my parents to 'def, but i think we can all relate to getting out of the house. ry? ry?

the other night we watched kill bill I and II, but we had to cut II short because it was almost midnight and we still had 1/2 an hour left. when can we finish that? because um, the moobies are due back on tuesday. HOWEVUH, i can always put it on my netflix que. huzzah!

and the other day i went to williamsburg, but i think everybody already knows about that. i think. but in case you don't know about it, and you want to know about it, well, um, i went to williamsburg to see tyler and carter! and tyler's parents! and we went shopping and ate mexican foods and hung out in hot tubs and made friends from brooklyn who's friends got shot at a party! and then we watched that 70's show and then we woke up and i had a cricket in my neck, and then we walked around william and merry and talked to this girl and i nursed my cricket and then i went home!

OH AND ALSO! guess what? MY BROTHA IS COMIN TO TOWN! next week! and we're gonna take a trip to baltimore and go to bars with debz! and get d-d-drunk! i don't think anyone knows who debz is. she's a mid-20's single who w-w-wants me. jkjkjk.

anywho. i hope everyone's 4th is appetizing and fun.
love, alexander.

edit: i wrote this yesterday (saturday - the 4th) but forgot to publish it. so that's why you're reading it post-saturday.

i'm a mess!

as I sit in this coffee shop dubbed "aromas" in williamsburg with tyler
and his dad, I've realized how crippled I am right now.

my face is dried out thanks to accutane,
I've got to have my leg amputated because of this infection,
my throat hurts like a bitch because I was sippin' on some cologne at
Gap yesterday,
and my neck is locked so that my head can't do anything but tilt down
and a little to the left.

I'M A MESS!

ATTENTION,

movie night at my house! thursday night at 7pm! males can spend duh
night. comment on this post if you can come.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

marley wants a divorce

hello friends,

how has your summer(s) been so far? how was europe? how was masannatta? how are your grandparents doing? are you ready for camp for a month?

i've been enjoying it so far. i got a really neat hat from carter. and my sister and ben and ava came for father's day weekend. and i've got an open infection on my leg that needs some taking care of soon. and i outran a cop because i had 3 pounds of cocaine in my trunk. and i've got to reschedule this eye appointment tomorrow because i'm going to williamsburg! to see tyler and carter! fuck yeah! other than those notable things listed above, my summer has been pretty relaxing. it's just so nice not doing homework (maybe i should start on all that summer work...). cooooooooooooool, alex.

when can the blog circle get together again? or at least most of it? or at least everyone that can come?

love.

happy

hey everyone,

summer time has proven itself as a time to rejoice in the rain. the first week was great. i got netflix, which is badass because now i can watch all the movies i want. on saturday night i frolicked through a field with amanda and mary, and when i got home on sunday my mom grounded me for being somewhere i said i wasn't. so now i'm grounded until the end of the weekend. in the meantime, i've been sitting in my chair and petting marley. this morning i stepped in a dead bird without any shoes on. it was gross. and squishy.

i'm not good with words, so here are some pictures to supplement.

i got pulled over

i was wit my homies tyrone n jaleel. we wuz drivin down tha bullivard were w@l mart iz. we wuz listenin 2 some gangsta shit, like PUBLIC ENEMY or NIGGAS WIT ATTITUDE but i dont rember cuz i was high as baallllzzz. we all wuz. we wuz smokin a big fat blunt goin like 90 mph and u kno wut we dn't even give a fuck.



so n-e way we wuz smokin dis blunt wen all uh duh sudden du redNblue lights wen off. i pull over n turn down my musik. cop sez like "get out the muthafuckin car with ya muthafuckin hands up. me n my high self decided to try n run. i turnd my car bak on n drove lik a maniac. my boi tyrone threw his gun out duh window n my boy jaleel try 2 stick duh blunt up his vag (ha ha ha). so n e way du cop shootz my tires wen we git on INtErStAtE 64$$$

so tyrone went 2 jail 4 duh gun, i got some communty service n my lice taken away n jaleel is a pussy.

peace.

two months overdue

put on your thinking caps, kids, because today marks an important day in history. at about 7th period, i decided to go home and clean out my car. so i did that. i got a lot of the nasty brown stuff off the floors with a wet rag. i also used some stuff called "pet pee" to try to tame down the smell of Athena's ghost's pee (sometimes i miss that cat). anywho. so i get my car smelling a little back to normal, and i'm really happy because, after 3 days of rain, my trunk is not drenched in water, nor is my backseat wet (except for the seat all the way to the right, which still gets a little bit wet, but not overwhelmingly wet. i have a feeling it will evaporate soon enough [hopefully]).

so okay, my car is clean, right? now i need some trees. not the kind of trees you're thinking about, but the trees you stick on your rear-view mirror. i usually use the "coconut" scent, but it's run out of smell. so i drive down to walmart to pick some new ones up. i got the "pina colada" scent, because it smells good. i go back to my car and start driving off. while in the parking lot, i notice a cop car. i don't think about it for too long, because i only passed him - we were going in opposite directions. i get to the red light next to applebees (- the one that's at the end of the road that walmart, movie gallery, etc. is on, and where waffle house is across the street from). i notice that the same cop is behind me. shit.

so i'm doing everything perfectly, right? going 43 instead of 45, keeping my music volume down, and everything else you're supposed to do when a cop is behind you. when i'm getting closer to the home base, he turns on the red and blue lights.

shit, shit, shit. i'm actually getting pulled over my a real life police officer with a real life police car and real life red and blue lights

i couldn't help but feel a little bit like a badass. i'm listening to a song that goes 'my girlfriend drives a benz/she has a lotta pretty best friends/they all like to experiment/my girlfriend is a lesbian' and simultaneously getting pulled over. so i pull over, all that stuff. he walks over to my car and i realize i don't have my seatbelt on. "shit," i say. but i don't think he notices. he asks for my license and registration, then says that my inspection is 2 months past due.

he goes back to his car for about 5 minutes. i got really bored but figured i shouldn't make any sudden movements, so i count the coins in the little slot on my door. ummm. he comes back, explains it to me, reads out what everything on the ticket means. then i have to sign some papers, etc. it was really crazy. and pretty frightful. but he said if i get my car inspected in the next 2 weeks, then the ticket will be dismissed. my court date is june 2.

fuck the police.

i'ma gonna

pretty this shit up when i get a chance.

do you see it?

baltimore

i love baltimore, babies, and frog orgies. i don't love saying i'm sorry, analyzing busy weeks, or standardized tests.

regardless, here are some pictures.













love.

i fucking hate it here

i can't really explain why
i get so irritated with my parents.

i mean i'll be sitting here minding my own business
when my mom comes in
and keeps yapping away
about her conference with
mrs.davis
and god fucking damnit
guidance at the high school is a bitch
and mr.wagner is a bitch
and weekly progress reports are a bitch
because my mom got
a weekly report thing for my math class
that hasn't been updated for
who know's how long
that says i have an F
too bad that the weekly report
failed to mention the good grades
that i must have gotten
somehow
because when i averaged in all the assignments
that
have been graded since when mrs.gross updated this thing
i no longer have an F
or a D
and it's pretty close to a B
but mom will not have that
instead
i'm just the dumb motherfucking dipshit
who won't get into uva or virginia tech or william and mary
or be a doctor
or an engineer
just an everyday
modern
fuck up.

sitting on the porch on a better day

hey erryone.

i'm sitting here on my porch with a blanket on my lap, trying to write this STUPID ASS MOTHA FUCKIN PAPER about 'a rose for emily.' the story is about this lady who stays in her house and kills her lover man, and then sleeps with his corpse for a few years. so. my thesis is that people in society (both then [1931] and now) are pushovers because nobody wants to ask questions that they don't want the answers to.
um. but it's supposed to be a 6 page paper and i only have 2 and a half. granted i don't have a conclusion, but, i doubt i can stretch a conclusion to 3 and a half pages.
but it's all fine and dandy with me. tomorrow is friday and i think i'm gonna have a relaxing night at home. which is nice, because i don't do that enough anymore. and then saturday will be incredibly bizzee, because i have to go to that review session for apush, and then i have work from 1-6, and then hopefully i can just chill at home, or somewhere else, or something, for the night... you know, i actually enjoy nights at home. usually i'll go to my bed about an hour or so before i normally do and lay down with my headphones for a while. it's really nice. except for when marley jumps on me and starts feeling me up.. it makes me uncomfortable.

once tomorrow is over, i'll also be rejoicing in that we will only have 7 weeks left of school - holy shit! these next few weeks will be bizzee, what with AP exams and final exams (wtf is going on in math?) and SATs and stuff. the last friday of the month, i'll be going to baltimore to visit my sister, and then the week after that i think tyler is sleeping over for the weekend (or perhaps we're throwing a party at his house?) and then all the tests start. like the SAT that happens that exact weekend.

i don't think i wrote anything for my birthday. actually, i just checked. i did not. i wrote something a few days prior to my birthday about how awful my life is, but, that's too emo, too myspace. you know. so i guess i can write a little sum'sum a few days late.
well, i got my camera, as all of you guys know (do you like the pictures?). that was really really exciting. i'm hoping to start a project up this summer... i think i'm gonna try to take a picture and edit it every single day this summer. or at least, take a picture and edit a batch of them over the weekend. or something. but - an edited picture for every single day of summer. i think it would prove to be pretty fun to look at by the time school starts up. i think i'm gonna try to incorportate a journal into it - but that might prove to be more time consuming and junk.
i also got a bunch of love from all my friends. thank you - (everybody that could) that came to the campout. that was so so fun. and thank you carter, for letting us stay there. and also thanks for the cake and the sketchbook and the urbanoutfitters gift card (let's go shopping when that new urbanoutfitters comes to charlottesville, kay?).

well that's all i got for now.

love.

spring break, in peshures

i'll write stuff later, but for now:

album 1

album 2

album 3

(camping pictures are in album 2 and 3)

love, jamal

awful

today has been awful in every which way possible.

i got a total of 11 questions wrong on the quiz in APUSH today. under normal conditions, i would say that's fine, but, there were only 27 questions, which puts me at an average of a 59%. also, i did not turn in my outlines, which i worked all day on yesterday, until midnight. at that point, i did not feel like finishing them, because chapter 31 is really long. well that's just great, because i don't know shit about world war I.

then to math, where the first thing mrs.gross tells me is, "you have a test tomorrow" - granted, it's an open partner test, but, that partner is rachael, who understands the material on an equal with me [that is, she does not understand any of it, either]. not only this, but, we've got a 4 page packet due on thursday. then, mrs.gross tells me we're behind a section, and that section will be on the test. so i turn to that page, only to find that i don't get it (big surprise..). so i ask questions, the whole time, mrs.gross nonchalantly answering them as she makes an answer sheet for some packet i did not recognize.
as class is dismissed, she says, "alex, you got a 10 out of 20 on the packet." great. that's two 50's in one day, along with a missing set of notes, along with a whole sunday wasted outlining for no cause. the numbers put today's average at a 36%.

and so here i sit, rambling about how god-awful today is, and how it's going to be for the next few hours. not doing my science, just putting it off, as usual.

charlottesville next friday night?

so next friday night will be my birthday. who's game for charlottesville? as in, emmett, dylan, carter, tyler, and somebody has to tell sam, but, do you guys want to go? leave a comment if you cannnz.

too bad i won't be turning 18. if i were, we could get a hookah at the twisted branch. ah well.

friday

mary keeps me smiling
even when i'm down
she let's me stay around her place
when there's no-one else around

there's nothing in her bedroom
just a bed and a tv
and it's okay for men aware
just sit and drink my tea

9 weeks!

pick it, pack it, fire it up and come along

so today we did photograms in art. well, in photogaphy. holy shit, it's so dope. i did scissors eating my keys, and then scissors, keys, a penny, and both pairs of my glasses. i forgot to get actual objects that had meaning, so i had to make due with what was in my car. oh well, it all turned out cool anyway. next week will be cool-er, because we'll be doing photography, you know, with cameras and all. so. yeah.

it's wednesday. today my mother and i went to emergicare, seeing as how i still hadn't gotten a physical. it took two fuckin' hours for those bitches to get to me. then the doctor touched me. i slapped that bitch in the face. then i peed on him since my wong was hanging out anyway... but seriously, who the fuck would go to emergicare in an emergency. so much for the 'emergi-' part. blah.

i'm working on this math homework, and what the hell. i got like 6 problems. there's 9 total. i'm at a 66.7%. i don't really know how to do the last problems. but i do know how to do the 6 i accomplished. so that might be good.

i wish i had some ice cream.

that is all.

passing time

i should be working on a rough draft... on population. in san francisco... uh. this is a copy and paste from the lab write up:

i. Population Biology Concepts (ex: carrying capacity & survivorship)
ii. Human Population (ex: dynamics, size, impacts of growth)

the research will somehow tie in with an eco-house our group has to come up with. shit is lame to the extreme. mr.bledsoe just walked in. he was throwing paper balls at brenda. when i started, he got all, "i'm a teacher, you're not, blah blah blah." i said, "nigga fuck you." only i really just sat back at my seat. what else is new?

we made books today in art for Printmaking. it's gonna be my printmaking portfolio, which is pretty badass. i'm pretty happy with it. except for the back, i couldn't think of what to put on it, so i decided to just put some canvas paper and paint on it later. that should be fun. it'll be cool to have a portfolio for just printmaking. i need to get all the shit i've done this year together in one big portfolio, or at least, get all my watercolor stuff together, all my [plentiless] mixed media shit together, and all my printmaking shit together. it will be cool to have a lot of art. anddd i cannot cannot cannot wait until photography! only, tawny says it fucks with your eyes hardcore, going into the darkroom and developing your pictures and stuff. but it'll be cool.

next year in art will be so cool. i have to figure out what my concentration stuff is gonna be on. i'm thinking photography would be cool, or maybe graphic design, but, i dunno. i'd also like to do some other stuff, with like, oil paint and stuff. mixed media would also be cool, but we didn't really do much in there, so, i don't think i could pull it off.

i think i wanna do all three: photography, mixed media, and graphic design. can i? please mrs.vaughan? SPEAKING OF MRS.VAUGHAN: i guess this mostly pertains to carter, but, if you ever see her, you will notice her hair is dyed every couple months back to brown. but her hair like, changes, during the time in which she doesn't dye it. if she would stop dying it over and over, it would be metallicy silver. i think it would be cool to have silver, metalic, spiky hair, like mrs.vaughan's. and the way she goes about dying it is soo nonchalant - i mean, every 3 months, she'll walk in on a monday and BAM - everybody is like, 'so, we noticed your hair is brown again...' i guess the point is, you're not fooling anyone, mrs.vaughan.

and umm. my doctor prescribed me sum dat tiny blue pill fo my d!ck:



oh and also, one last thing. the 3-6 mafia tickets go on sale tomorrow! yes yes yesss!

run

i ran two miles today with very very minimal walking, like, a few times i walked for 5 seconds. and it was rainy and cold, but it was nice. so i mean, that's pretty cool.

a pretty good monday to start the week, too. i have one lab done, one to go. and a resolution. by midnight. hellll yeaaah.

teenage mary said to uncle dave
i sold my soul, must be saved
gonna take a walk down to union square
you never know who youre gonna find there

you gotta run, run, run, run, run
take a drag or two
run, run, run, run, run
gypsy death and you
tell you whatcha do

marguerita passion had to get her fix
she wasnt well, she was getting sick
went to sell her soul, she wasnt high
didn't know, thinks she could buy it

and she would run, run, run, run, run
take a drag or two
run, run, run, run, run
gypsy death and you
tell you whatcha do

AROOOGA

so while i've supposed to have been working on a lab assignment and stuff (2 labs, 1 resolution due tomorrow) i was thinking about what to do this summer.

let's take daytrips to kings dominion, busch gardens, the beach, D.C., richmond, etc.

like every couple weeks.

raise your hand if you're in.

the weekend is over

hurro erryone

this weekend was quite a nice and easy one. friday night i went to see The Wrestler with tyler. it was a man date, a very heterosexual man date. we went for tea afterward, which was nice as well. the hummus was too garlicy though, and then a total douchey-wooshey came and joined our table (that douchey wooshey being ryan stiteler).

um. and then i came home and went to bed. and saturday i worked, worked, worked, but was outta there by 6 (i finished closing up the kitchen at exactly 5:59). aside from aggie's mom telling me i have to stop 'looking like i'm high off marijuana,' and that i need to 'open up my eyes a little more' - if i'm going to be serving - it was a good day. afterward i met up wif tawny and we went to the Freaky J show in staunton. mmhmmm.

i just had tests in almost every class this past week, so this following one should flow pretty easily. tuesday marks my dermatologist appointment at Blue Ridge dermatologists, and on thursday, mrs.smith will have to mark me absent from duh role - THREE SIX MAFIA TICKETS GO ON SALE! wooop wooop tripple woop!

ohh, and my sister comes to waynesboro friday night! too bad i'll be working! oh well, at least she's staying for the weekend.

oh and also, i wanna do a trip to charlottesville soon! let's not wait until prom. i think the blog circle (+ sam) should go the weekend after this one. we'll get pizza and we'll ride around where the fraternity houses and stuff are and everything. it'll be a blast. oh, and we'll have extra incentive to go, in celebration of the last 9 weeks of our junior year. yesssssssuh!

and that is all. peace niggas.

p.s) the concert choir show was pretty great. minus high school musical, ehhhh. now i've got 'we're all in this together' stuck in my head.

weekend!

11 weeks!

warmth

it's soo nice outside today.

edit [sundayzz] - it's still really nice outside. i've been trying to read these APUSH packets all day, but alas, there are so many activities that are so much fun. such as a walk with my mom, or sitting on the porch with my parents and chatting about our days. and holyyy shaazzz, starting tomorrow, we have 12 weeks left.

12! 12, 12, 12!

this week will be kind of shitty. i've got an apush test tomorrow, math test tuesday, and an apes test wednesday. but on the bright side, i'm not in concert choir, so, at least my life won't suck as much. also! track starts this week - and although i hate running, especially distances, i'll finally be doing a sport. i just need to get that damn physical done.

mother is calling for me to set the table.

edit 2 [sunday night, 10:39pm] - holy shit, reading these packets makes me feel like squeezing a caterpillar so that all the ooze comes out of it's butt (you know you did it in elementary school).

friends

yaaaawn

happy birthday, dad :)

i saw Slumdog Millionaire today. what a fantastic, non-bollywood-y Indian movie. hell yeah.

i guess it's time for a change - i never wanted a change

i said "fucking" in front of my mother yesterday on accident. at first she looked at me wide mouthed, then she kind of chuckled, walked away for a second to look in a mirror, and then came back and said, "don't let it slip again." to which i replied, "but that's the only word that can express how rich he must be," to which my mother chuckled again.

when masturbation's lost it's fun, you're fucking breaking

i can't wait to graduate so i can say "FUCK YOU" to all the people that tickle my nerves.

nom nom nom

i got a total of 12 hours of sleep.
from 6-8pm last night, then again from 11pm-9am.

damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

i'm hungry

so this past week was crazy. for the first time in ever i was doing my homework and staying up. and it made me feel good - that i could still do it. it makes me happy when i can focus and do my homework and get everything in on time (minus humanities homework - but that doesn't count since she will take anything in past it's due date).

and my sister came in yesterday and brought ava with her. so last night i stayed up with them and chatted my ass off, and today i lounged with neelab and ava. we had a tea party and went for a walk, but the strong winds proved to make ava antsy, so we rushed back home.

and so i've been drinking a bit, ha. what better of a way to bring in the three-and-a-half day weekend.

maybe i'll win, but for now i've decided to die

i'm so fucking tired of this town. and everybody in it (minus the blog circle and a few others).

i want to get far far far away.
all i've got right now is my sister's words - that she herself hated waynesboro and it's highschool just as much as i did - that life got better after she got to college. and goddamnit, i hope college won't be the same sort of letdown that govorners school was.

cause i don't think i could handle that big of a letdown again.

i just want to be happy again. truly, genuinely, happy. not this fake fucking smile that's connected to this huge fucking body that high-5s every other person in the hall whom he calls his 'best frens' - so that maybe they'll like him.

fuck it. this is what 2 hours of aimlessly driving around town does to me.

i'm not an engineer

i do not see why my parents keep pushing the issue about my career on me. i keep saying, "no, no, i will not become a doctor or an engineer." and my father keeps telling me that whoever tells me i can't become an engineer because i'm not good at math is wrong - but then i say, "nobody told me i can't do it, i just don't want to..." and then he glares.

and so, i guess i did something wrong. or was a mistake. or something.

today was fine, by the way.

i'm happy

the super bowl starts in 1/2 an hour.

and today the weather was beautiful. it made me happy. and i'm content, even though i have masses of homework that will never get done. i'll never be caught up, but it's okay, because every little thing will be alright.

there ain't no way to explain or say
how painful the hangover was today
in front of the toilet, hands and knees
trying to breathe in between the dry heaves
my baby made me some coffee
afraid that if I drink some it's probably coming right back out me
couple of advil, relax and chill
at a standstill with how bad I feel
i think I need to smell fresh air
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
the sunlight hit me dead in the eye
like it's mad I gave half the day to last night
my bad sight made me trip on my ass right into that patch of grass like that's life
all of a sudden, I realize something
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin
stood up and took a look and a breath
and there's that bike that I forgot that I possessed
never really seen exercise as friendly
but I thing something's telling me to ride that ten speed
the brakes are broken, it's alright
the tires got air and the chain seems tight
hopped on and felt the summertime,
it reminds me of one of them Musab lines like

sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
sometimes you gotta give in to win,
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine

if I could I would keep this feeling in a plastic jar
bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
settle down, barbeque in the backyard
the kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
every day that gets to pass is a success
every woman looks better in a sun dress
the sunshine's an excuse to shoot hoops, get juice
show improve their moves and let loose
i hear voices, I see smiles to match em
good times and you can feel it in the fashion
even though the heat cooks up the action
the streets still got butterflies
enough kids to catch 'em
ridin my bike around these lakes man
feelin like I finally figured out my escape plan
take it all and the day started off all wrong
somehow now that hangover is all gone
ain't nothing like the sound of the leaves
when the breeze penetrates these southside trees
leanin' up against one, watchin the vibe
forgettin' all about the stress, thanking god I'm alive
it's so simple, I had to keep the song simple
when I get home I'm gonna open all the windows
feelin all right, stopped at a stop sign
a car pulled up, bumpin Fresh Prince's Summertime

sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
sometimes you gotta give in to win,
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine

dear mrs.spinelli,

fuck you.

fuck you for taking my grace period away and fuck you for doing that without asking first. fuck you for not making any sense on the phone. fuck you for not answering your phone. fuck you for never responding to my emails or pages or voicemails. fuck you for getting me mixed up with somebody else and telling me i'm more behind than i am.

signed,
alex mahmoud

progression

as miserable as my last post made me sound, i suppose there's stuff to look forward to.

i can't wait for college. i can't wait for the summer after high school is over. i can't wait for the summer after this year. i can't wait for Germany, New York, and Alabama. i can't wait for possibly going to All-Good. i can't wait for the west coast. i can't wait for my birthday, and possibly a party to go along with it. i can't wait for porn, cigarettes, and guns and voting that will come with age. i can't wait for doobies and LSD and magic mushrooms. i can't wait to get a haircut. and gauges in my ears so that my parents will get pissed off. i can't wait for obama to fix this country. i can't wait for post-college and i can't wait to have my own apartment, or a house, with a dog; i can't wait to move to an island with marley. i can't wait for a lot of things. but i can't lie, i miss an equal amount, too.

nostalgic

[i'll start this entry on a happy note--] happy 50th mom. you're getting old, but not that old. i think we're going out to eat tonight but i don't know where. and also dad still hasn't got you your camera yet. so i think i might call him and ask for his credit card so i can go buy it now.

we went to baltimore this weekend for ava's birthday party. that nigga turned 3! it was pretty fun, but only a little bit. and we saw family in northern va, and that was also fun, but only a little bit. birthday girl:

life is getting dreary, guys. really, really, dreary. i just feel like shit. and not being able to turn in my case 8 lab and resolution cos' it's past due is shitty. i did a bang up job on that lab and getting a 0 on it for lateness is total homo. fuck.

i miss being young [i knew this would be a nostalgic post]. i miss destination imagination and knoxville and trading pins. i miss the Dots ice cream that i spent almost $100 in total by the end of a week. i miss making emmett's basement being re-done for our band, the "red knights." i miss not knowing what a bong was in gatlinburg. i miss my brother living at home with me. i miss football and basketball games being hyped up. i miss trying to memorize the track order of the good charlotte cd chris hahn gave to me at my tenth birthday.

this is what i made in art today [it folds in half horizonally - a cover and a back for a panphlet]; i miss being able to come up with good ideas without trying, and then actually being able to execute said ideas. i actually tried on this, and when i look at it now, i think, 'who would want this, who the fuck would be proud of this?' ... i miss the day that tyler and i went to starbucks and later i got the Panic! At the Disco cd. i miss elissa. i miss elissa being cool. i miss hating everyday of my 8th grade life because of being the only one dr.peirce hated. i miss random jewish people i've never known (but not really). i miss being selfless and sufficient; fuck, i miss actually getting my homework done.

and those are just a few of the very many things i miss.

in pursuit of the american dream

today we were asked to research the American Dream in humanities and to explain what it meant to us. i listened to music on last.fm instead.

earlier today i wrote a bunch of jibber jabber about my weekend. but who gives a fuck about how my weekend went. i'll say this: it was a great weekend and it sucks we're going back to school.

on that note, mrs.smith said that the second semester always goes by way faster than the first. and i hope she's right. i certainly, certainly hope so.

here's a picture that i took for the case 8 lab:

it looks like a giant wire penis, i know.

attic in a basement with a knife serrated

i sent this earlier today, so for whatever it counts as, i'm sorry for whatever i did or said or didn't say. but i'm sorry anyway. i'm such an unconnectable unfeeling unpersonable unrelating person; i'm an asshole and i'm sorry.

and so here i sit

on the computer in the very back of the library. there are only two laptops over here, and dylan is on the one parallel to me. i had some lunch, a burrito and some salad and some pineapple, using dylan's account. the guy asked if i'm dylan and i said yes.

and today has been fine, just fine. i worked on my art project a little bit, and i didn't do my math homework, because the adobe flash player is out of date at gov school, and you need special administrative privileges to download it.

and yes. it's tuesday, and we've only got 2 classes until it's over. and then it's wednesday, and after wednesday is over, it will be thursday. and then, i can sleep in, and come to school, and take a math test, and then it will be a 4 day weekend.

hell yeah.

fuhfuhfuh

so. tomorrow is monday again. this week will be hectic as shit. wednesday marks the end of the 9 weeks, and although i'm caught up in most of my classes, it just came to me that i didn't turn in a lot of humanities work at the beginning of the 9 weeks - i've totally neglected all of it.

so today, i'm trying to convince myself that i actually did anything. i read 35 pages of ap environemental science stuff and answered about 16 questions about the reading - this took like 3 hours. and so i was going to start on the lab, but it requires me to build a water purification system -- huh? i'm calling that bitch up tomorrow and tell her i don't know how to do that.

here's the rest of what i've got to do tonight:
- wikipedia the stuff i was supposed to read
- post on the moodle forums for all the stuff i wikipedia'd
- work on my humanities paper and have it ready to turn in tomorrow morning
- online math homework
not that you care or anything

and so. i have a math test this week. that should prove to be difficult. but, on the bright side, we have a 4 day weekend, sort of. thursday we have to go to waynesboro, but not gov school, friday we're off of both, and then the weekend, and then monday we go to gov school. i kind of hate this whole system - it totally rips us off, especially the way they scheduled spring break. we have to come to gov school that whole week. fuck that.

this weekend was nice. friday night, as i was falling asleep on the couch around 7, i got a text message from andrew asking where i was. i responded with a, 'where am i supposed to be?' sort of thing - then it dawned on me that it was the White-Out basketball game thing. so i got ready in a white shirt and everything, but as i was walking out, amber called and asked if i wanted to hang out with her and sawyer. so i went to joe's to pick them up, and afterward we went to waffle house... mmm

as we left waffle house, we played the song 'blue suede shoes' as we choose music the people in there would hate, such as 'milkshake' by kelis [TWICE], 'hey ya' by outkast, and some avril lavinge song. so we watched the people's reactions from the parking lot. we could tell when 'blue suede shoes' ended and 'milkshake' started, because some guy with a beard tried to unplug the jukebox. when he plugged it back in, it still had our playlist loaded, because 'milkshake' started back up. it was great.

and so we listened to music and that was the end of that night. and i went to bed. and woke up. and sat around the house not doing my homework. and then jordan and hunter and casey and i met at the mormon church and then i took them to burger king. and then we went to movie gallery, where i couldn't rent R-rated movies because my mother had a block on my account. furthermore, i couldn't rent NR-movies because they are 'worse than R-Rated' and i couldn't rent the UR-porn because 'it even says you have to be 18 to rent this'...

so we got kung fu panda, brought it to my house, watched it, and it was fantastic. i really did enjoy it, honestly. and then they went home, 'cos they had to be at work by 8:15.

and so here i am, sunday night, putting off my homework and rambling about my weekend. i'll end this, like i usually do, with some pictures taken throughout the week.

love, alexander




spoonage in carter's bed. taken thursday night, which will hopefully become a recurring weekly tradition... not the spoonage, but the thursday nights. this picture is so grainy, it's sort of low-quality porn --- just the way i like it!





this is my dear, dear, not true friend carter. she had just gotten back from the tattoo shop with all these piercings. golly jee, i'm so proud of her for going through with all the piercings without crying even a little bit.





heh. so. instead of going to science like i was supposed to on friday, i went to the park to swing on the swing sets. the weather was alright and it gave me something nonacademic to do until work. in this class, i learned that swingset > school

i shouldn't involve other people into my problems

like i so often do.

i don't know if i want to drop out of science. one side of me is telling me that the only way i've come so far [well, half of a year] is by cheating and lying and being balls-out scandelous. the other side of me says i should lie and cheat and be more scandelous for another half of a year.

and i don't want to, that's the problem.

i don't want to read anymore of The Blue Planet and Environmental Science (6th edition). i don't want to cheat on tests that i fail on anyway. i don't want to go into the smelly library to try to concentrate, but fail. i don't want to have a C-, yes, C-, as in, 2 points away from a D.

but i don't want to give up half way into the year. i don't want to prove my father right [stubborn, i know]. i don't want to not be in science. i don't want mrs.shurz to be dissapointed in me. i don't want to feel like the only reason i'm giving up is because i'm too lazy to do labs and write essays, because essentially, that's all this class is asking for.

and perhaps i just want to quit because all my friends did. i no longer have morals, guys. you know what i'm doing for my humanities essay? you want to know why i logged into virtual virginia anyway? so i can recover the paper i wrote on global warming, so that i can copy and paste 1/2 of that and be done with my essay. yeah, i'll admit to it - i've lost all hope in myself to be a good person. i've lost my ethos.

and so, i'll end this with an 'i'm sorry'. i'm sorry for getting my friends [particularly one who will go unnamed who deals with my shit on a day to day basis] into my mess. i've been stressed, no doubt, about whether i'm gonna drop this shit or not.

and so, i'm hoping somehow the planets align tonight, and today will be easier. i'm going to call mrs.spinelli, get the low down on what the rest of the year looks like, and go from there.

keep it real.

edit [the seventh, one day later] -- i'm staying.

today

i think i'm happy that we're going back to school tomorrow, despite the work i've got to do tonight seeing as how i put it all off until the last minute. and it's funny, it really is, seeing as how i joked with all my friends about how i'm going to put my homework off until the last minute and be up until 4am on sunday. but tonight probably won't be as an extreme case as that, so it's all good.

today was one of the first days in a while where everything was good. it started off badly because i woke up... and it was 11 and my alarm never went off at 9. so i rushed through getting ready and met with my family for a nice brunchish thing. and then i got on my apush and finished outlining, which was an accomplishment. and so i cleaned my room, and the weather was amazing, so i opened my window. and from then on, the day was great. walking around in my shorts was the best.

and so right now isn't all that bad. i picked up some shit from michael's so i can finish my mixed media project, and i've finally, finally come to the decision that i'm dropping the ap environmental science class i'm in. i mean hell, it's online, and it's ap, and all i do is read a bunch of stuff and then take a test on it. i'm not getting anything out of it and at the end of the day, if i'm not going to pass the ap test, what's the point? and so as bad as i feel about dropping a class [this is a first], i'm finally relieved.

winter break was good. but because of the weather, it feels like it's not over. in fact, it feels like the last day of summer break. but that's okay, because i'm happy.

well feck

school starts in a day, because right now we're in sunday even though we're only 4 minutes into it.

tomorrow i have to outline 1/2 a chapter for apush, write the humanities essay, do my mixed media painting, read and post all that humanities shit on moodle, anddd a lab and essay for for my ap environmental science class. god i hate school.

anyway. i'm going to bed soon. so i can do all that work tomorrow. i'll end this blog on a couple of cool pictures that were on my phone.

keep it word.



the postition marley's butt was in when i woke
up on the last day of 2008.




my mother and i on our way to charlottesville.
taken on the first day of 2009.




emmett crawford. taken in sophomore year before a band concert.
(april 27, 2008)

and this always makes me laugh. fast forward it to about 2:00 if you're impatient. actually, the 3:30 "oh gosh" is what cracks me up everytime, hahahahaha.