yaaaawn

happy birthday, dad :)

i saw Slumdog Millionaire today. what a fantastic, non-bollywood-y Indian movie. hell yeah.

i guess it's time for a change - i never wanted a change

i said "fucking" in front of my mother yesterday on accident. at first she looked at me wide mouthed, then she kind of chuckled, walked away for a second to look in a mirror, and then came back and said, "don't let it slip again." to which i replied, "but that's the only word that can express how rich he must be," to which my mother chuckled again.

when masturbation's lost it's fun, you're fucking breaking

i can't wait to graduate so i can say "FUCK YOU" to all the people that tickle my nerves.

nom nom nom

i got a total of 12 hours of sleep.
from 6-8pm last night, then again from 11pm-9am.

damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

i'm hungry

so this past week was crazy. for the first time in ever i was doing my homework and staying up. and it made me feel good - that i could still do it. it makes me happy when i can focus and do my homework and get everything in on time (minus humanities homework - but that doesn't count since she will take anything in past it's due date).

and my sister came in yesterday and brought ava with her. so last night i stayed up with them and chatted my ass off, and today i lounged with neelab and ava. we had a tea party and went for a walk, but the strong winds proved to make ava antsy, so we rushed back home.

and so i've been drinking a bit, ha. what better of a way to bring in the three-and-a-half day weekend.

maybe i'll win, but for now i've decided to die

i'm so fucking tired of this town. and everybody in it (minus the blog circle and a few others).

i want to get far far far away.
all i've got right now is my sister's words - that she herself hated waynesboro and it's highschool just as much as i did - that life got better after she got to college. and goddamnit, i hope college won't be the same sort of letdown that govorners school was.

cause i don't think i could handle that big of a letdown again.

i just want to be happy again. truly, genuinely, happy. not this fake fucking smile that's connected to this huge fucking body that high-5s every other person in the hall whom he calls his 'best frens' - so that maybe they'll like him.

fuck it. this is what 2 hours of aimlessly driving around town does to me.

i'm not an engineer

i do not see why my parents keep pushing the issue about my career on me. i keep saying, "no, no, i will not become a doctor or an engineer." and my father keeps telling me that whoever tells me i can't become an engineer because i'm not good at math is wrong - but then i say, "nobody told me i can't do it, i just don't want to..." and then he glares.

and so, i guess i did something wrong. or was a mistake. or something.

today was fine, by the way.

i'm happy

the super bowl starts in 1/2 an hour.

and today the weather was beautiful. it made me happy. and i'm content, even though i have masses of homework that will never get done. i'll never be caught up, but it's okay, because every little thing will be alright.

there ain't no way to explain or say
how painful the hangover was today
in front of the toilet, hands and knees
trying to breathe in between the dry heaves
my baby made me some coffee
afraid that if I drink some it's probably coming right back out me
couple of advil, relax and chill
at a standstill with how bad I feel
i think I need to smell fresh air
so I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
the sunlight hit me dead in the eye
like it's mad I gave half the day to last night
my bad sight made me trip on my ass right into that patch of grass like that's life
all of a sudden, I realize something
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin
stood up and took a look and a breath
and there's that bike that I forgot that I possessed
never really seen exercise as friendly
but I thing something's telling me to ride that ten speed
the brakes are broken, it's alright
the tires got air and the chain seems tight
hopped on and felt the summertime,
it reminds me of one of them Musab lines like

sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
sometimes you gotta give in to win,
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine

if I could I would keep this feeling in a plastic jar
bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
settle down, barbeque in the backyard
the kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
every day that gets to pass is a success
every woman looks better in a sun dress
the sunshine's an excuse to shoot hoops, get juice
show improve their moves and let loose
i hear voices, I see smiles to match em
good times and you can feel it in the fashion
even though the heat cooks up the action
the streets still got butterflies
enough kids to catch 'em
ridin my bike around these lakes man
feelin like I finally figured out my escape plan
take it all and the day started off all wrong
somehow now that hangover is all gone
ain't nothing like the sound of the leaves
when the breeze penetrates these southside trees
leanin' up against one, watchin the vibe
forgettin' all about the stress, thanking god I'm alive
it's so simple, I had to keep the song simple
when I get home I'm gonna open all the windows
feelin all right, stopped at a stop sign
a car pulled up, bumpin Fresh Prince's Summertime

sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
sometimes you gotta give in to win,
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine